Airbag Industries

Airbag-American.

Seems like these days anyone who is different, or special, in any way can create a subclass of being American. This started with the politically correct movement in the early 90’s when describing someone by the color of their skin vs. their assumed heritage was taboo.

For Example:

WRONG — Joe Smith is a black.

RIGHT — Joe Smith is African-American.

I have always found it silly that this system requires that we are to assume the right adjective based on, well a persons skin color. And I’m not sure why it’s necessary to describe a person by the inherited tribe followed by the current tribe: Asian-American. I don’t know what these new titles have done to curb racism in America (which I assume was one of the reasons for creating said system) but it has spawned an entire nonsensical nomenclature for describing people who live in the United States of America.

And it seems to be getting a little out of hand.

Consider today’s words of former New Jersey Governor James E. McGreevey, “My truth is that I am a gay American”. Gay-American? What does your sexual status have to do with living in the United States? And how is being gay in America any different from being gay in say, Argentina?

Perhaps I am missing the whole point because I have never been given, nor created a group-affiliation-American title. This isn’t a process to be taken lightly and sparks a series of questions:

Does everyone in the (group)-American get jackets?

Can I sue the State of California for not referring to me by my proper affiliation?

Once you’re in an affiliation is it possible to transfer into another, like say the Catholic-Americans? And if so how much are the dues?

All of these are, I think, very important to consider as I surely do not want to be the last man in America without an alternative to describing me without resorting to calling out my skin/eye/hair color, sexual preference, height, weight, age, birthplace, current residence, favorite soccer team, method of commuting, etc.

So from now on you may now refer to me by any of these affiliation names:

Caucasian-American

Scottish-American

Alaskan-American

Californian-American

Apple-User-American

Iced-Latte-Drinking-American

Disneyland-Passholder-American

German-Car-Driving-American

A-List-A-Part-Reading-American

Vancouver-Loving-American

Just whatever you do, don’t refer to me as a White, Non-Hispanic guy — that would be way too offensive and taboo.