5:00 – Continue to dream despite the black cat sitting squarely on the jugular, purring and crying for attention.
5:35 – Awake for a second time, but with ninja like stealth because the slightest movement will cause the cats to think it’s time for breakfast. Close eyes and try to get more REM sleep.
6:00 – Throw the younger, black cat (AKA alarm clock) off the bed and off my neck, again. Add scarry morning throat noises to help scare him away.
6:15 – Slide eyelids open slowly in disbelief that it’s not Saturday morning. Grumble and elevate bed sheets with compressed gas.
6:17 – Feed the domestic beasts some horrid dry crunchy food. For tormenting purposes, do not refill the water. On real nasty tormenting days add peanut butter somewhere in this step.
6:20 – Drag feet to the home office, on the way check to see if the wife is starting to show signs of life.
6:22 – Open web browser and go to msnbc.com, nytimes.com, drudgereport.com, news.yahoo.com.
6:24 – Check if Arifat is dead yet, or if India and Pakistan are gone, or if Europe has finally decided to declare war on the US, or if Denver has burned to the ground.
6:30 – Open mail, check mail, delete mail, read mail, respond to mail.
6:35 – Check if Jason Kottke has responded to that simple, one question email that I sent him about Radio. Grumble.
6:40 – Put body armor on and attempt to wake the lovely, beautiful, happy wife.
7:03 – Check for bleeding or internal damage.
7:10 – Prepare for cleaning and clothing ceremony. Look for matching socks.
7:45 – Kiss wife confirm she will be returning this evening. Always check.
7:50 – Head to Starbucks because Pete’s is 10 miles in the opposite direction.
8:10 – Listen to NPR.