Predictions are better left to sad people who live in trailer parks and channel Satan through a silly deck of cards that can’t even be used to play poker, but sometimes I just can’t help myself.

So here it goes.

Tomorrow, nothing that Steve Jobs will announce or unveil or demonstrate, not even with Winston Marsalis and Bono pounding out a power ballad in the background, will make AT&T suck any less.

Tomorrow, the iPhone will still be crippled—like My Left Foot crippled—because AT&T is the worst—and I mean rock bottom in a way that can only be measured in fathoms—phone company in the United States; not even Apple, in all of their gadget glory can turn that around.

Maybe if Jesus were to come back and help out, that might work, but something tells me he’s got better things to do with his time back on Earth.