Airbag Industries

Cantankerous.

Come November 5th, Californians will choose their next governor, but I know that we have already lost.

That’s because our two primary candidates are boobs. Pamela Anderson would make a better candidate if only because she’s twice as qualified in comparison.

It’s a choice between a $78 million dollar fraud who’s not sure if he’s ready for Sacramento, or Ken Lay’s boyfriend who’s solution for saving energy was to bankroll Enron and turn off our lights.

And even though President Bush has called twice to ask me to support the elephant and all his elephant buddies on the ballot, it’s going to be a tough call — like picking a favorite child.

The newspapers are advocating for Davis as the lesser of two evils as evident in The Los Angeles Times voting guide:

“… He deserves another term on the basis of his well-balanced record, despite his unseemly fund-raising. Davis’ GOP opponent, Bill Simon Jr., has repeatedly demonstrated that he is not up to the task of governing California.”

There’s absolutely no mention of the Green Party candidate at all, I have to wonder if he even existed or if he was forgotten somewhere in Eureka.

As a relatively new property owner and taxpayer to California I feel like I’m being ripped off.

The Golden State is home to Presidents of the United States, anti-smoking laws, and other leading edge legislation that have become standards for how other states are governed. States like Arkansas, West Virginia, and New Mexico rely on California to know what to do.

So why are these two ballot monkeys the best candidates we can find in a state with that kind of political legacy, a population of 36 million and the 6th largest economy in the world?

To help with this new leader search I think Hollywood should develop a new show like American Idol, but call it California Governor and get Warren Beatty to fill the ‘Simon’ role.

Despite our candidate crisis, I will take comfort in a few things about the upcoming election. I know the little old ladies who volunteer to man the poles will be as cantankerous as ever, that NPR will broadcast all kinds of great election stories and results from around the country, and I will take comfort that at least in the state of California we know how to vote.

UPDATE: Seems the idea for an interactive television show for a political candidate was not far from reality. Thanks to Griff for the link.