The cats have been given their baths and all claw wounds have been properly patched up with antiseptic and bandages (the kind that is flexible and matches skin color). My best suit has laid out along with socks that match, swanky cuff links and a pocket square. The hair not quite so perfect, I really should stop cutting it myself and go see someone more qualified—and by qualified I mean being able to see all of my head without obstruction—but it will do for today. The house has been cleaned and a single scented candle has been lit while the windows have been opened to allow the slight ocean breeze to saunter in and help freshen things up. The champagne is chilled and the spotless flutes wait patiently.

Now if someone could just give me an idea when Hiliary is going to end her campaign today that would be great. Simply recording this moment on Tivo will not do.