Let me make this perfectly clear, crystal clear.

If ever I am in some kind of an accident or suffer some unknown natural cause that turns me into a human vegetable do me a favor and take out the food tube. And leave it out, for good. Don’t pull it out and put it back in like how you play with the vacuum wand on your hand.

Unless you can make me sound like Darth Vader, then by all means put me in a black cape, throw the helmet over my head and charge fan boys to have their picture taken next to me. Don’t worry about flash photography because at that point I could stare directly at the sun and it wouldn’t phase me.

Also, should some asshat politician try to champion my ‘right-to-life’ cause in order to take media attention away from his criminal investigation, tell him that I said to go blow smoke out of his rear and face the music like a man.

Let me have the dignity to pass away while you can still remember who I was when the upstairs lights were still on and people were home. I’d rather be in Heaven hanging out with the Good Lord than a human cadaver in some stupid hospital, staring at ceiling tiles all day long.