Hi Ho.

Apparently the law enforcement of Newport Beach doesn’t like it when you make a u-turn on the intersection of MacArthur and Bison. At least not when you do it while they’re sitting at the intersection. With so many witnesses to the crime it’s hard to just let it go.

I found this out the hard way, pulled over on the side of the road, just after the on-ramp for 73 north. It was 10:07 PM, just a little over an hour after I took possession of the vehicle used in the crime: a 2003 Volkswagen Passat GLS — Reflex Silver with the Monsoon stereo package.

It’s here in the story that my wife, The Oracle of Good and Lawful, would like it recorded that she tried several times to point me towards the path of traffic purity. This came in the form of yelling repeatedly, “You can’t make a u-turn here!” several times while taking jabs at my right arm.

Keep in mind, I haven’t had a traffic ticket since 1988, when I was caught speeding 5 MPH over the posted limit. It was a slow night in a sleepy town that relied on sales tax and law enforcement for funding spiffy new projects like a welcoming sign that read: Palmer – The Best Kept Secret In Alaska – and home of Tommy Moe.

Moments before the fateful left turn I had scoped the intersection for potential risks. There was a cop already pulled over on the far right, looking to be half way through the ticket writing process. The on-ramp was only a hundred feet once I made the turn so I figured my odds of getting caught were somewhere between slim to impossible.

And so with the Banshee of Purity at my side I cranked the wheel hard left and made my way to the 73 making sure to conduct a new car high speed velocity test while driving down the banked curve.

I had managed to reach 80 MPH by the time the front tires grabbed onto the freeway, about the same time when the sparkly-twinkle lights filled my rear view mirror.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen my wife smile so wide and for so long.