Here is what I have learned, so far, from traffic school, in which my participation was required by the Orange County Superior Court system because I made an illegal U-turn. Classroom instruction was provided by an off duty Orange County Sheriff.

This is the short list:

  1. Restraining orders don’t do much good.

  2. Harley riders should avoid Huntington Beach because they ticket owners for muffler sound violations.

  3. The decibel limit for the exhaust system of any motor vehicle under 6000 lbs. is 95.

  4. California traffic cops do not have ticket quotas.

  5. Typically the city or town in which a traffic ticket is issued rarely makes any money from the fine. It goes to the state government for school programs.

  6. Police officers can pull over anyone if they give a cop probable cause. Almost everything a person does can be classified as probable cause.

  7. Orange County Sheriffs have a hard time completing the ‘pub crawl’ in Newport Beach. They can’t handle that much liquor.

  8. Traffic schools have a real principal who looks and acts a lot like high school principals, except they wear tennis shoes with their Dockers.

  9. If you don’t sign a traffic ticket you will be hauled off to jail.

  10. Hurricanes Bar in Huntington Beach has the coldest beer around.

  11. Policemen are not required to fulfill a quota for traffic violations. No, really this time.

  12. Cops give each other tickets all the time. wink

  13. In most cases a cop has the legal authority to search your vehicle. You can always tell them ‘no’ but that will only result in a narcotics officer being called to the scene along with a drug sniffing dog.

  14. Motor bike riders who weave in and out of traffic and drive in-between lanes can do it as much as they want because a cop will never pull them over due to the safety issues in trying to pursue them.

  15. If you kick a door hard enough, it will come down.

  16. People from Iowa don’t like to drive in LA. Nor do they like traveling in a vehicle doing 80 MPH.

  17. Being sprayed by mace is easy to get through. Just stay calm and breathe shallow. Pepper spray, on the other hand, is like dunking your head into a vat of cayenne pepper juice. It feels like fire in your lungs, eyes, nose, everything.

  18. Orange County deputies like to pepper spray fellow officers shower towels as a practical joke.

  19. For the last time, there is no such thing as a ticket quotta.

  20. It takes 21 minutes to get to the court from my house traveling at 50 MPH but only 9 minutes from the court back home, traveling at 80 MPH.