I’ve come a long way in this business. And by that I mean that I can post an ad for a job without feeling the need to be the exact opposite of conscious, lose my lunch, breathe with complications, drink heavily—smoke heavily, clench my chest in that area it’s not such a good idea to feel the need to clench, shave the cat, walk my neighborhood in a bathrobe waving a six-gun (I do this no mater the stress level, it’s a Tuesday thing), call twenty-four hour hotlines on the twenty-fourth minute at every hour on the hour, pace back and forth in front of the local Navy recruitment office, pull hair off my head, one clump at a time, Rick Roll hundreds of unknowing, trusting people, shave the other cat, buy a one way ticket to the middle of nowhere, develop a twitch right above my left eye, and/or taste copper.

I’m going to go home and duct tape my house now, but with Scotch tape.