Airbag Industries

Letterman.

There is no need for it to be this hot in the middle of July, or say, ever. If they were still alive I think the dinosaurs would be doing their best to date penguins about now. At this heat sun block becomes more of a placebo because no one in their right mind should be out under the sun long enough to get burned because that would be a stupid thing to do (Lizards, yes, homosapiens, no). Not to mention, I think sub block immediately evaporates at one-hundred and eleven so anyone walking the Vegas strip when it’s one-hundred-and-nineteen is fooling themselves. The only real reason to put it on is to help deter the smell of asphalt.

Five years ago the Rocket Scientist and I decided that we would go camping in the heart of Death Valley, in February. Now that was hot. Every morning I’d wake up in time for dawn’s early light. The temperature was a brisk seventy-five degrees and life in the desert was having a ball until the Sun slowly crawled over the tops of the eastern mountain range. It was a pretty sight to observer but after your eyebrows started to singe you knew it was time once again to retreat from any direct contact from the sun’s death ray.

I remember walking through the National Park Service visitors center looking over old photos of pioneers who, apparently, worked and frolicked around in that kind of heat sporting three layers of clothes, some of them with hats to complete their ensemble. While I don’t recall hearing much about it in history class, I’m convinced that back in those days people just internally combusted. Nobody back then died from The Fever, Indian raids, or heart disease, they just blinked into a pile of ash. And then someone would come and retrieve your three-piece wool tweed suit, dust it off, and take it back to the general store to collect the recycling deposit.

The sun just came over the mountains and it looks more like Suge Knight than Kellogg’s Raisin Bran, already rolling hard and all pimped out in solar radiation blling-bling. I think I’ll stay inside and watch the first act of Empire Strikes Back over and over and over again.