Airbag Industries

Politburo.

Under mounting pressure to explain what in tarnation is going on in Iraq the President has issued a thirty-five page PowerPoint presentation on paper that would make Edward Tufte’s hair stand up on end. The National Strategy For Victory In Iraq should really be titled Four Hundred and Fifteen Bullet Points That Don’t Say Much More Than We Already Know.

Me thinks George could have done a lot more to secure our faith and devotion if he had gone ‘off-course’ and crafted the type of document that would have won the hearts of millions.

The scrapbook is not only the perfect vehicle for communicating goals and achievements but adds a bit of panash that says, ‘I care about this, a lot’. Sure it’s not easy to distribute such a finely crafted document but gosh-darn-it nothing says freedom like fabric embellishments with plenty of flair.

For example, on page thirteen of the National Strategy for Bullet Points it says:

We track numerous indicators to map the progress of our strategy and change our tactics whenever necessary. Detailed reports — both classified and unclassified — are issued weekly, monthly, and quarterly by relevant agencies and military units.

Many of these reports with detailed metrics are released to the public, and are readily accessible. Gains in training Iraqi security forces are updated weekly at www.mnstci.iraq.centcom.mil.

Is it me or did all of that Times New Roman put you to sleep too? Couldn’t they have at least used a little Impact here there? It comes standard with every copy of Microsoft Office (pirated and non-pirated versions). Anyway, clicking on the link we see that as of November 30, 2005, we see the latest in the progress with Iraq’s military training:

With all the pomp and circumstance befitting the largest NATO-driven equipment donation to date, soldiers with the 9th Iraqi Army Division (Mechanized) paraded a fleet of refurbished T-72 tanks and BMP armored personnel carriers before an audience of Iraqi and Coalition officials Nov. 17.

Ok, look, how in hell can you have a military parade (with refurbished Hungarian tanks no less!) and not include that on the first page in your report?

They had a freaking parade! The kind with tanks and swords and bullets and tanks — who doesn’t like a good parade? That’s exactly the kind of subject matter that would have looked absolutely fabulous in the National Scrapbook of Success in Iraq, page one.

Mr. President please do us all a favor and drop your bullet points and start scrapbooking. And in the end we’ll all be on the same faux-sewn, embellished fabric with flair page.