Airbag Industries

Pork.

My fellow American’s (and Non-Americans),

Griff, the mastermind behind Ultramicroscopic, has seen through my ploy to win the Peoples Choice Award and has promised to bare his soul in order to gain more votes. A desperate ploy to be sure.

If elected as President of the Blogsphere I have several programs and initiatives that I will use to improve the Internet forever.

I will bring back Petsmart.com because they, out of all the .com bombs, had the best commercials. The world felt a great loss when this company fell through the red, not because we needed a place to buy dog food at a good price, but because we miss that little sock doggy who knew how to party.

My cabinet will heavily tax any company that uses any form of pop-up advertising. This includes those annoying Flash ads that block people from viewing Yahoo and Weather Channel from time to time. If industries want to advertise their services and products then they will have to use television, radio, or print. The Internet was not designed for evil mongering global corporations to use for as their advertising playground. This goes double for SBC Yahoo who has become very annoying lately.

I will tear down the walls of AOL/TW and haul Steve Cases’ butt into federal prison for wasting so much money. I mean come’ on, $100 Billion? Do you know how many people could have been saved from starvation, sickness, and poverty with that money? Stupid dumbass! Secondly, as part of this initiative, I will institute public beatings for any white collar sucka who thinks wasting money and resources is just something that happens on a bad day. It’s time to end this waste of wealth.

And finally, my freedom loving people, I will provide everyone with brand new 12.1″ Powerbooks — feel the love.

A vote for Airbag is a vote in the right direction. You have a choice between seeing a middle aged nude male (yucky) or a new Powerbook.

The choice seems clear to me.