A few weeks ago I was invited into a fantasy football league, a seemingly American thing to do. It’s also something I have never done. Admittedly I know very little about pro football which is almost as un-American as not voting for George Bush. Well, almost.

Here is a quick inventory of my pigskin related knowledge:

  1. The New England Patriots really should be called the Massachusetts Patriots.

  2. Los Angeles voted out of Southern California because they didn’t want to pay $400M for a new stadium. And on that day I was very proud to live here.

  3. I once spoke to the Kansas City Chiefs Vice President of Sales because he wanted to know more about a friend of mine. The guy was pretty down to Earth.

  4. John Madden has the coolest job and the most hip-hizzle ride in all of football.

  5. I used to fear for my life when Charlie Bottoms would come to play in our neighborhood touch football games. He was a hard-core-stoner.As you can see, I am at more than a slight disadvantage in fielding a team against most guys. The kind who can do things like talk about individual players statistics or wax poetic about past performances. I’m hoping that a few of you, who I am not competing against, can give me some fatherly advise in playing my roster to victory over the other web developers whom I have been pitted against.

Below is my roster, a fine group of virtual players who were selected by ESPN because I was not able to participate in the draft. Any help in understanding what I should be doing in order to crush the opposition would be appreciated.

Here are your Los Angeles Airbags!

Marc Bulger, St. Louis QB

Rudi Johnson, Cincinnati RB

Larry Fitzgerald, Arizona WR

Jimmy Smith, Jacksonville WR

Robert Ferguson, Green Bay WR

Anthony Becht, New York TE

Tedy Bruschi, New England LB

Nate Wayne, Philadelphia LB

Tony Parrish, San Francisco S

Ahmed Plummer, San Francisco KBENCH

Charlie Garner, Tampa Bay RB

T.J. Duckett, Atlanta RB

Michael Lewis, Philadelphia S

Scott Fujita, Kansas City LB

Derek Smith, San Francisco LB

Derrius Thompson, Miami WR