A few weeks ago I was invited into a fantasy football league, a seemingly American thing to do. It’s also something I have never done. Admittedly I know very little about pro football which is almost as un-American as not voting for George Bush. Well, almost.
Here is a quick inventory of my pigskin related knowledge:
1. The New Orleans Saints are cursed to lose forever. I think it’s time that town put down the rum and chicken and start worshiping a real god — it might pay off in spades.
2. The New England Patriots really should be called the Massachusetts Patriots.
3. Los Angeles voted out of Southern California because they didn’t want to pay $400M for a new stadium. And on that day I was very proud to live here.
4. I once spoke to the Kansas City Chiefs Vice President of Sales because he wanted to know more about a friend of mine. The guy was pretty down to Earth.
5. John Madden has the coolest job and the most hip-hizzle ride in all of football.
6. I used to fear for my life when Charlie Bottoms would come to play in our neighborhood touch football games. He was a hard-core-stoner.
As you can see, I am at more than a slight disadvantage in fielding a team against most guys. The kind who can do things like talk about individual players statistics or wax poetic about past performances. I’m hoping that a few of you, who I am not competing against, can give me some fatherly advise in playing my roster to victory over the other web developers whom I have been pitted against.
Below is my roster, a fine group of virtual players who were selected by ESPN
because I was not able to participate in the draft. Any help in understanding what I should be doing in order to crush the opposition would be appreciated.
Here are your Los Angeles Airbags!
Marc Bulger, St. Louis QB
Rudi Johnson, Cincinnati RB
Larry Fitzgerald, Arizona WR
Jimmy Smith, Jacksonville WR
Robert Ferguson, Green Bay WR
Anthony Becht, New York TE
Tedy Bruschi, New England LB
Nate Wayne, Philadelphia LB
Tony Parrish, San Francisco S
Ahmed Plummer, San Francisco K
Charlie Garner, Tampa Bay RB
T.J. Duckett, Atlanta RB
Michael Lewis, Philadelphia S
Scott Fujita, Kansas City LB
Derek Smith, San Francisco LB
Derrius Thompson, Miami WR