RFPs (request for proposals) are the public access cable channel of the business world. Some come in the form of a well thought-out, concise plan while others are birthed from a horrible Microsoft Word template. And then there are my personal favorites which tell you absolutely nothing of the scope of work but request a cost estimate anyway. These asshats are the Ike Turners of the bunch: “I don’t wanna baby, but I’ll beat the love right out of you if I have to.”

For instance, here is a little beauty that I received this morning (I left out the fluff about there being a staff of several developers and where this ‘start-up’ is geographically located):

For security reasons, we are unable to offer full details of the project at this time but the basic idea is a free service for web designers and developers to collaborate with clients and their projects…please provide details as to how you charge and an estimate on total time and cost if possible.

I love the part about “security reasons”. Makes me wonder if perhaps the CIA is the real mastermind behind web 2.stupid. In either case be wary of these ultra-top-secret-web-project-Tommy Boy-ninjas and their cost snagging attempts.

Meanwhile, not five minutes had passed after another RFP (retard for president) hits the email retriever:

Hey BlueFlavor, I am looking to develop an online video and music community, with features similar to those of Myspace and Youtube. There’s a twist to the site I’m building; an edge that could potentially bring in millions of users within just a few months. I love the work you’ve done, and was wondering if you’d be able to take on such a project. We’d want a beautiful “Web 2.0” design, and would need a script similar to that of Youtube where users can upload virtually any video or audio file and it is converted and playable in a flash player. Plus, artists and users should be able to create and update their own profiles, message and comment each other, etc.

Oopsie. Someone went a wittle hyper with their cut-paste-click-post skills. Let’s see, they “love” my work but are addressing someone else. Buddy, that might work in Tijuana but not in California. After careful review of this genius of an idea (OMG CALL RUPERT MURDOCH NOW AND READY HIS SWISS BANK ACCOUNT!) I think I’ll let the Keith and Nick take this one. Good luck fellas!