It is amazing to me that more people are not involved in car accidents here in Southern California. We all drive around 80 MPH changing lanes, slowing down, speeding up, braking to a lurch, repeat. And I’m not including our fantastic car chases because those usually average 15 MPH in speed. You gotta maximize your live television coverage.

I was raised in Alaska and people there would describe our traffic as the work of the devil. But I think its great that I don’t have to crawl along the ice coated roads ever mindful of the idiot behind me who thinks installing snow tires gives them instant stopping power. It’s February and people in Alaska are going to be driving on ice for another 45 days or more whereas I have sunshine and clear, clean freeways.

One morning on the way to work, my wife and I were following behind a Jeep which suddenly started to stop and then launched in the air about a foot off the ground. Before we could figure out what happened a large bed mattress shot out beneath the vehicle, up in the air, and on a collision course with our windshield. Thanks to my wife’s superb driving skills we avoided the flying bed and watched as other cars behind us abruptly weaved in and out of traffic to miss the Jeeps fate.

So I’ll take our traffic, both fast and slow – bizarre and boring, and admire the chaos theory behind my success at avoiding other vehicles and mattresses. I don’t mind that sometimes I have to wait in an infinite traffic jam because inevitably, someone up ahead lost the odds and collided with another vehicle or stationary wall. Its just good to be living in Southern California, just ten miles from Disnleyland, and driving 80 MPH.