Airbag Industries

Stroker Ace.

This morning while on the phone with McAfee’s Elite Team of Tech Support (read: complete mouth breathers) I had an idea — how President Bush could have saved the economy, created jobs, play Santa Claus, and put American researchers at the top of the class.

It goes something like this:

Instead of giving everyone tax cuts (well mostly everyone), Bush should have purchased a Dell computer system for every household in America. This could easily be done considering that the computer manufacture practically gives these things away.

Once the National Dell System is in place, as mandated by the new No Computer Left Behind Act, the demand for technical support would absolutely sky rocket. Dell would have to hire an army of workers to facilitate the construction and shipping of so many units.

But the real magic begins in the American household. For once said Dell system has been installed, with a little help from Dan Rather’s new CBS News nightly support segment: America — You’ve Getting A Dell!, the demand for technical support would be over-the-top crazy.

For two reasons:

A. Dan Rather doesn’t know beans about installing or using a computer. It was merely a ploy for CBS to increase ratings.B. Anyone who uses a Dell knows there are always questions, these things rarely ever work they way they are supposed to. Especially when you bundle it with clunky anti-virus software.

An army of tech support workers would have to be hired to help keep America computer-savvy. Of course with in accordance with the No Computer Left Behind Act, outsourcing to India is made illegal. It’s quite possible the demand for domestic phone based workers would be so great that human cloning would be have to be made legal in order to grow enough tech support.

Karl Rove, are you reading this? Maybe it’s not too late. After all, Dell will ship overnight.