Airbag Industries

Twin.

Oh Terminator, what have you done?

Yesterday I found out you treat women like house pets; today I hear that you kinda had a crush on Hitler. And those Maplethorpe, full-frontal photos! Who knew a man could compete with a race horse?

The “Liberal Media” would have me believe you are a womanizing Nazi who likes to hang pony in public while choking the environment with your, uh, Hummer.

What part of campaign strategy don’t you get? How you could not have seen all of this coming?

On the very first day of your very first campaign you should have simply come clean. Opened the closet and taken care of the skeletons right then and there. By this time, most voters and most media would have forgotten about it all by now.

Remember Kobe? You know, that professional basketball player who is accused of rape. See you don’t remember him because he was yesterday’s story — old news. He doesn’t even rank in Yahoo News Most Popular anymore.

Kobe was rescued by world events beyond his control, but you my man, you could have prevented this.

Now you’re taking hits left and right, only this time it’s coming from intelligent strategist who have been waiting for just the right moment to pounce.

I was thinking this weekend was going to be boring but now I wait in anticipation of what your opponents (fellow candidates and otherwise) are going to hit you with next.

You have to admit, the T-1000 was never this good.