I am so curious about people who choose the “van life”—deciding to forgo the comforts of four walls and a roof in a fixed place on the ground. I’m talking about the folks who say, “screw it,” buy a van, install wood paneling, grab all of the social media accounts, a GoPro setup complete with a muppet-covered microphone, pouches of instant food, head for the open road.

Calling an automobile a home intrigues me and I am fascinated enough that I sometimes go on YouTube and binge-watch people live like some sort of pioneer who spends all of their time recording themselves breathing, eating, sleeping, and moving on to the next parking spot.

Well, I have questions that have been piling up and I’ve decided to ask them here.

Questions for Van Lifers

  • When you have house guests, is it one-two-three-shotgun or shotgun on three?
  • When you’re at the In-N-Out drive-through and the order taker asks, "are you eating in your car or taking it home", what is the right response?
  • When you buy a van to live in, are you required to signup for rock climbing classes? And, if you give REI your VIN do they give you a discount?
  • When Flow from GEICO and asks, “Do you want home or auto insurance,” how do you choose?
  • Open containers (read: alcohol) are illegal in vehicles. So, how does Happy Hour work?
  • During a fire, which door is best to use to get to safety? Same question applies for earthquakes.
  • If you get carjacked can the state also charge the perp with home invasion?
  • Where do you mount a Ring?
  • Does the “WELCOME” mat go on the driver or passenger side?
  • Many homeowners dream of going on a cruise ship, do you dream of going on a submarine?
  • If you don’t display your Instagram account on the back of your home is it then technically considered a cargo van?